No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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