omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
