the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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