I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
