we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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