I accidentally had phone sex last night
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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