I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
