Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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