NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
