Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
