Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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