you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
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