My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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