The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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