How'd it feel making her break her religion?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
