i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
