I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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