I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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