exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
