I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
