I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I need moral support for this bender
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
