i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
