East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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