I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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