why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize