im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
its not stalking. its research.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
