SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
