If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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