your room smells of hookers.
And success
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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