We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
