That's intense
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
