before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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