I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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