My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
