fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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