i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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