I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
