All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
