it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
