yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
