We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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