party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
