Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
