Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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