They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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