Non-Jews are for practice
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize