Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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