There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize