they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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