Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize