Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
