ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
