I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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