when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
