and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
