What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize