Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
