I feel like abortions should bother me more
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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