ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
