i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
