Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
