never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
