I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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