mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
