yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
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