I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
