he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
