The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
