Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
