wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
She needs sedatives and a leash
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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