Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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