its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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