when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize