Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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